Memo

[The Magnet]

To: All Employees
From: The Magnet
August 8, 2007

Whoever stole my low calorie Lean Pockets, please put them back in the refrigerator where you stole them. I realize it's possible that one of you took my Lean Pockets by mistake or maybe you can't read my name, which was clearly spelled out in black marker on the bag. Maybe you had Lasik surgery recently and your vision is blurry. Maybe you were hungry and couldn't afford to buy your lunch but you were too embarrassed to ask for a handout, even though most of you are selfish bastards who make a lot more money than me and you can afford to buy your own damn Lean Pockets. It doesn't matter. I will not be angry if the person(s) involved would please replace them. I promise there will be no repercussions and I will drop this matter if my Lean Pockets are returned immediately to the refrigerator by the anonymous selfish thief, who doesn't care that I have nothing to eat and was looking forward to those lean pockets all morning. They were the Chicken and Broccoli ones, just in case someone was wondering. I've never had that flavor before and they really looked delicious.

[PADavid]

To: LP Theft Victims
From: Me
August 9, 2007

Any information leading to the safe recovery of the Lean Pocket ("LP") can be forwarded to myself. There is a reward - or at least a tasty bite involved.
Artists rendering of the missing LP:

[RnRCircus]

I know who took them but will only talk if the reward money is worth my while.

[PADavid]

Originally Posted by RnRCircus

I know who took them but will only talk if the reward money is worth my while.

Magnet - we have our 1st suspect

[bottomfdr]

I will give clues at the cost of 2 high scores per hint.

[The Magnet]

To: All Employees
From: The Magnet
August 9, 2007

I am sorry to have to write and distribute another memo, but my Lean Pockets, which were stolen from the office refrigerator yesterday, have still not been returned. Whoever stole my Lean Pockets will have to live with the guilt of knowing that I was STARVING all day long and even felt somewhat lightheaded at around 2pm. This affects EVERYONE in the office, because as you probably know, people who don't eat lunch and who are HUNGRY and UPSET are much less productive and have a poor attitude, because instead of doing their job, they are thinking about how hungry they are and wondering who could have stolen their lunch. I didn't bring a lunch again today because I was stupid enough to think my Lean Pockets would have been returned when I purposely left work yesterday 45 minutes early to give the criminal a chance to do the right thing for once in his (or her) life. I have been reassured that acting manager Mike Ockishard and others will not let this matter remain unresolved, despite telling me the same thing the last two times this happened. Again, I will close my eyes and hope that when they are opened, my lunch will be returned. If you see my eyes closed, you need to take that opportunity to return them and not accuse me of sleeping at my desk.

[RnRCircus]

They will be returned once you come up with a decent reward.

[PADavid]

Dear Magnet:

I spoke with your office manager, Mike Ockishard concerning this situation. Although he said less then kind words about you personally, he was agreeable to conducting a full search for the Lean Pockets ("LP") and vowed that he woudl not rest until said yummies were recovered.

There is a possibility that they are being held without proper refrigeration. I know that your strange moral standards would be offended by this. Mr. Ockishard offered to provide you with his left over Cheetos for Friday's Lunch.

Please respond.

[PADavid]

Magnet, I received this letter from Mike Ockishard.

Dear Mr. Magnet:

Your lack of response is disturbing to say the least. Evidently this Lean Pocket fiasco is yet another one of your childish pranks designed to attract the attention of other staff. (Look pal, he still does not want to go out with you, get over it!!).

I am certain you recall the episode last fall wherein you claimed that a giant lizard was living in your desk. And of course, who can forget the "phantom" voices that you claimed originated from the light fixtures. Well. this company is now out the cost of two new desks and several florescent tubes (we know you smashed them). Stop this behavior at once. As a Senior Member of the Team we expect dignity and restraint, yet you insist on pranks, whining and rude gestures.

One more thing, please wear undergarments from now on!

Mike Ockishard, VP Sales

[RnRCircus]

I am still waiting for my reward money. Below is a picture of your Lean Pocket waiting for you to come pick it up once I have been properly compensated.



As you can see your Lean Pocket has suffered some trauma and will suffer far more unless you act quickly.

Do not be fooled by Mr Ockishard, he know nothing of the whereabouts of your beloved Lean Pocket.

[PADavid]

As you can tell - RnR is an impostor - his photo was even a fake!

[The Magnet]

To: Anyone who even cares anymore
From: The Magnet
I don't even know what day it is anymore I'm so damned hungry



THE MAGNET OFFERS AMNESTY FOR IMMEDIATE & SAFE RETURN OF LEAN POCKETS....If the lean pockets are not returned by tommorrow when I will open my eyes at lunchtime(My eyes will be closed all morning so you can return them without fear of discovery)...Then THE S#!+ WILL HIT THE FAN!!!

[PADavid]

Hey M - man - check your mail today yet?