Good News

[The Magnet]

My Friends,

Last night I had another epiphany. This epiphany was WAY better than the last epiphany about writing a an award winning poem. That will probably never happen. Anyway, I was drinking at Happy's Clown Room like usual, when suddenly they roll out this karaoke machine!So after redeeming all my beer coupons, I gathered up my courage, climbed onstage and sang "Wind Beneath My Wings," by the super talented Bette Midler. And you know what? There wasn't a dry eye in the house, even though I vomited twice towards the end of the song. I think this singing thing is truly some kind of gift, possibly from God. Then, on the way home, I nearly trip over an almost full bottle of cherry-flavored wine just sitting there, like totally free. Another gift from God I think. I’ll be performing again at Happy’s in Philly this evening and you are all invited. Hope to see you all there.

[PADavid]

[The Magnet]

Hi, it’s me again. I just wanted to say that my performance on Thursday night went fantastic. I couldn't be more pleased. You really missed a great show. I'm sorry that none of you showed up, but thankfully I will be performing again tonight, Friday 9/7/2007, during happy hour and I know that it's probably easier for many of you to show up on a non-work night. Please get there early because I am expecting a lot of people. If this goes as well as I think it will, I may be looking for a new job soon. Don't worry, I won't forget you guys! Here is a picture my brother took.

[The Magnet]

Hi. This is The Magnet again with another note to my wonderful, close knit family of site members. I'm sorry that nobody showed up for my performance this past Friday. No big deal, really. Hopefully, you got the note, but maybe you lost it. Maybe it was because you were busy or had other plans. Maybe it's because most of you have families and loved ones and other people to go home to during the week, and seeing a lowly "junior fisherman" like me live out his dream onstage just isn't high on your priority list. Perfectly understandable. Well, you missed an incredible show. Probably the best I've ever done. Did I mention that there might have been talent scouts in the audience? That's right, they were invited by one of the bartenders who said I was possibly the next Norah Jones. But the male version. I don't have to tell you that Norah Jones sold more than 5 million records on her first album and won a butload of Grammy Awards. Now she's super rich and everyone wants to be her friend. I of course will not change with fame even though I will buy my true friends gifts and let them use my hot tub whenever they want. Anyway, that's fine. Whatever. See if I care, you selfish unsupportive bastards. Just more room in the hot tub for me!